• It’s less about doing than being •
[2 MIN READ]
I have a friend who’s been alienated by institutional faith because all he heard from the lectern is commands for what to do. He heard a lot of bossiness.
That introduction is an excuse to interrogate how people who are considering a lifelong partnership choose to interact together.
As in another piece I wrote, it’s helpful to consider Angles Of Perspective (“That Which Makes a Person a Christian”). Some of the angles that those in contemporary culture — and, hence, even FOJ’s (Followers of Jesus) — bear in mind are emotional, social, sexual (Yes, I said it.), domestic, and legal. As in many contexts, biblical and spiritual, i.e., in a biblical context, get short shrift. Outside of biblical Christianity, though, those AOP are inconsequential.
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The liberality of the late-mid-20th-century hippy generation made the sexual AOP a significant driver of relationships, sometimes even with an emotional and social connection. In the 21st century, that means that if 2 people have an emotional and social connection, they test out their sexual compatibility by hooking up, moving in together (domestically), and getting married (legally), maybe.
Followers of Jesus think and live differently because the Holy Spirit of God has transformed them to do so, not because someone at a lectern told them. When they don’t and choose to conform to the pattern of the world (contemporary culture), those FOJ are choosing to suppress the influence of the Holy Spirit who is dwelling in their very fabric.
The shacking-up mentality has become so pervasive that it’s common, even among Arcadia Christian Fellowship’s students, to assume that’s the way of the social world, regardless of biblical conviction and faith status.
Domestic and sexual compatibility that honors the creator God develops through the ordination of marriage. Despite the dictates of contemporary culture, cohabitation and sex (in advance with multiple partners or one) are problematic, at best.
It’s worth noting that scripture does not require love to be a prerequisite for marriage; but it does demand love as a function of marriage. That demand is rendered willingly, without coercion, in the transformed biblical life of a Follower of Jesus.
Read more: I wrote this piece secure in its biblical grounding. I chose not to incorporate specific scripture evidence. Instead, consider the following 2 pieces.
Here is a very good, brief, biblical treatment with statistics: “Cohabitation: A Conversation Starter” (BiblicalCounselingCoalition.org).
Here is another very good, readable, scriptural treatment that features John 4’s Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (BibleGateway.com): “Living Together Before Marriage: How to Have a Conversation…” (FocusontheFamily.com).
FINE PRINT [CCOmmentary #8 for 2025’10’31’F] ¶Text: Calvin Wang (Wäng), CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.
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